I tried to care........but I don't 🙄😏

Really! .....like I tried to care...as I replayed those hurtful words and innuendos....I tried to pick them apart like they were supposed to do to my soul and self esteem.... they all seemed so familiar. I tried to place myself in the quiet/hidden places when there were no ears to witness the attack the accusations stabbing at my insecurities, my doubts and fears...those mean actions and words over the years began to replay in my mind. I can remember my response each time, each situation and how those words; ugly and hateful used to be my button in my youth. Let me tell you, this mouth in my B*C (before Christ) I would spew words of venom and attitude galore. I would yell, scream, loud talk and argue. My anger had once been so easily provoked while the enemy would sit back watching the "fall apart" picking and tearing at the seams of some of my friendships, feigning tears and "painting poor me pictures". Spreading lies and hurling insults all while trying so hard push a personal agenda fueled by selfishness and manipulation. I thought about those times I used to care, and one day about 25 years or so ago, I saw a glimmer of truth...but my care about "being nice, so don't say anything" kept me blind purposely. I cared so much about "not rocking the boat" because I knew the hateful consequences of not agreeing with or challenging the lies with truth. Oh the many times I could have walked away but my care about them was more than my care for HIM. Honestly, I thought the two went hand in hand, in my mind being "good" meant overlooking realities and painting palatable pictures....as I grew in the Lord, i grew in confidence in myself and realized the truth sets free; makes free those who are willing to be free. So when I say I don't care, I really don't. I don't care to allow those words and actions to define me, I no longer choose to be quiet because my questions are retold as arguments, I don't care to allow my head to replay the negativity and instead apply the helmet of salvation. I don't care to argue; or discuss in circles knowing hardness of heart and mind is not moved by my "why's". I don't care to "win". I don't need to one up or prove anything; I don't care to take it personally because I finally understand its "their issue" not mine...I don't care to wish them harm nor hurt as I pray for their salvation and freedom.....I don't care enough to be angry because love is stronger.....so, regardless how much the enemy tries to push your buttons, don't care enough to respond in ungodly anger.....pray, trust GOD and live your best life with Christ. 💜