My hope though my journey with PCOS
Almost 20 years ago I was still "wishing". My desire in that moment was to have a baby. I'd been married a little over 6 years and I was ready! In fact, just a couple of years before I'd had yet another miscarriage. ( I talk about that more in another blog) I distinctly remember the moment. That moment when I knew I needed to do more than "wish". Have you ever had that moment when things seemed to be clear and almost obvious, but for one reason or another you couldn't get to that moment yourself? Well, that was me! I was on the phone with a friend and she, being the mom of three little ones and pregnant with another was encouraging me. And she said, I was wrong! Don't you love those friends that can tell you the truth, in love? I was telling her of another month of "not pregnant" and how much I wanted this to happen, but I'd resolved, it was too much to keep hoping for, I was not wanting to set myself up to be disappointed again! And that's when she said it, flat out told me I was wrong! She reminded me of GOD's word, how I could believe and hope while still "waiting". Hebrews 11:1 "now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." She reminded me, when I refused to hope I was in essence refusing to trust GOD. Well, she got me on that one! One thing I didn't want to do was linger in doubt. As I activated my faith, I began speaking affirmations of scripture and honestly, it wasn't long things began unfolding. One thing that answered the "why" was a diagnosis I received from my Gynecologist. After my last miscarriage, I found a new physician who was a believer and phenomenal doctor. I was tested for and discovered I had PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) Here's an article that gives more information. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) | Johns Hopkins Medicine. For me, because my glucose levels were so close to pre-diabetic, she started me on Glucophage (Metformin). This was the worse experience so far in my life! I would eat and bloat so much with extreme nausea that many times, I had to learn the hard way what I could & couldn't eat based on the stomach discomfort. But it was so worth it! Within a few months of starting metformin, the excess weight was quickly coming off and believe it or not, the metformin triggered my thyroid to release just the right hormones and I was pregnant! Learning to lean into hope has helped me so much in my life. From that point to now, I remind myself the importance of hoping and walking in faith. Certainly, everything I've hoped for hasn't occurred, which is perfectly fine because I've also learned how important it is to me to align myself to GOD's plan, so while I may have hoped for things that didn't happen, I soon learned if I really didn't want all those things, I thought I wanted.
One thing I learned through this experience is, at this point I'll pretty much be taking metformin indefinitely. In fact, after the birth of my second child, my hormones were pretty wonky and within the next couple of years I'd developed huge fibroids! So big, that whenever I saw people, they'd ask me how far along I was.... but I wasn't pregnant!! Again, my Ob-Gyn exceeded expectations, she looked at me one day during my yearly check-up and said......"we need to get you over to ultrasound" immediately I was ushered back out to the waiting area, and she explained she thought I had fibroids and if things were as far along as she thought they were, I'd have to have them removed immediately. Well, she was right, in fact, turns out I had two large fibroids, which caused me to have a hysterectomy and I thought it would be the end of metformin. But I was wrong! I'd hoped it would be the end of that dastardly pill, and I was so sure things would pan out that way. But again, GOD knew best and as I've reached my 50's having to continue the metformin has prompted a more intentionally healthier lifestyle. Once my kids were a bit older, we started them in taekwondo and that opened the door to our interest in martial arts. It wasn't long before I started taking classes myself and earned my blackbelt. For me, the lesson to keep my hope in the Lord takes the responsibility of steering my own ship as they say. The PCOS diagnosis and prognosis influences my attempt to take care of myself & hoping for the best. Along this PCOS journey I've always kept in mind, the importance of hope. I don't know what this hormone journey has in store during this stage of my life, but I know GOD knows, I know the ultimate plan for my life is " for good and not for evil, one that gives me a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11)
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